“Let someone love you just the way you are-– as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.”—Marc Hack (via psych-facts)
1. Date a boy who makes you happy, but marry him only if he makes you laugh deep-belly rumbles that hurt your ribs as they expand outwards. Date him when he sees that you’re hurting and he gives you a moment to feel that pain like a handprint spreading across your consciousness, marry him only if he can make you smile even while you’re gross sobbing. The world is not a kind place. You will feel a lot of pain. Make sure you are with someone who makes it all bearable. Humor is an excellent gauge of intelligence. Life gets boring. Find someone who makes the banal interesting.
2. Make sure he has scars on the back of his hands, it’s a good sign he has experience either fighting or making things - creation is an act of selflessness and bruised knuckles are a good sign he knows how to defend himself. You’ve got too much soul to be handled by someone who has never been passionate. If he’s never thrown a punch, let him at least have tasted the insanity of bringing an idea into existence. Rough palms are better than soft ones, they have been salted by this earth and made into leather. Callouses are evidence he has lived, that he has broken skin and been in pain over and over and over again and still came back to the source of it. People rub against each other. Don’t marry him if he can’t handle even a little blister.
3. Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting,see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he’s out of it now, you’re going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.
4. Trust your instincts. If he ever makes you feel unsafe, don’t make excuses, just get up and leave. That’s all there is to it. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
5. If he puts money before you, he’ll keep pushing you to the bottom of the pile until you become his last priority. It’s one thing if he can’t afford what you want, it’s another if he has the cash but won’t spring for a box of chicken mcnuggets. Money and love are arch enemies. 62% of divorces occur due to economic strain. Make sure keeping you is more important than his 401k.
6. How a man treats animals is a good indicator of how he treats children. If you see him raise a hand to a dog, pack your things into a little black bag. Animals at their worst are only half as annoying as a toddler on their best behaviour. Your kids will be beautiful, but they will also misbehave. Same goes for waiters and hotel maids - if he’s rude to those who are working for minimum wage, it says a lot about how he sees himself. Patience is rare and so important. If he’s not forgiving to a dog, he’s not good for your kids.
7. If he isn’t in awe of you, he doesn’t deserve you. You are my little girl and you were born perfect. If he can’t see that, it’s his loss. There is someone who thinks your flaws power his heart. Be strong. If he asks you to change, be like like rock of your birthstone, do not waver. You are wondrous just the way that you are.
My father’s recipe for the man I should marry (part 1/2 of a series). /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)
1.This one is kind of obvious. While well-meaning it isn’t quite the most obscure of advice and is actually pretty general. I don’t underestimate anyone’s knowledge to figure out that you shouldn’t continue dating someone who isn’t interesting or enjoyable to you.
2. Okay, I don’t quite know who decided that little bit of information, but scars on the back of your hands is a terrible indicator of someone’s true creativity. Scars on your hands do not describe what you create or how you defend yourself/others. And it also ignores people who may just have tedious, hard labor, jobs that cut up their hands, and even people with self harm issues. And if he has soft palms it doesn’t mean he can’t handle a blister, maybe he just uses lotion or his day to day tasks aren’t wearing on his palms. That, again, is pretty obvious.
3. This doesn’t say to watch him when he’s angry or to take into account why he is angry. No, it say to get him angry. Which, in case there some eager to try this, is not a good idea. Your significant other is not a guinea pig for you to run tests on. And why are we getting him drunk now? Because you don’t trust his word when he’s sober? Here’s some advice for the guy in this situation: Don’t marry the woman that feels she needs to drug you to get your real thoughts out of you.
4. This is one of those subjective statements. It all comes down to each person and each situation. So, yes if he does something that makes you fear for your health, or well-being, and he does this seemingly without much consideration, then you need to speak up or leave. But if you have trust issues from something in your past or if there is something on your mind then you should probably talk it out with this person instead of just packing up and leaving before the situation could have been resolved.
5. Yes, being frugal has it’s place in finances, but when it comes to the person you’re with the story is much different. There were no sources cited for this “62%” statistic so i’m just going to act like it was made up (because it probably was).
6. Again, this is pretty subjective. This has a lot of little nuances to take into consideration. And whether or not you believe in corporal punishment or any kind of physical parenting is an entire other debate left only for the people directly involved, but whether or not he swats his dog’s leg when it bites someone or gets into the trash is not a crystal clear indicator of this person’s parenting ability. And, thus, should not be a deciding factor.
7. How fair does this sound: Your man has to fall into these categories, he has to have certain physical attributes, he must never Caesar Milan his pets, you need to get him drunk to know what he’s really thinking, and you need to make him angry to see what he will do. But, if he dare ask you to change anything that you do the answer must be a firm, rock-like, no. He doesn’t deserve you at all.
I am obviously no expert here, but keep in mind the “Father” who wrote this is not either.
yo but????????????????? this was written for me. about my dad. not for you. for me and my dad. (i also strongly believe that the genders can be reversed or taken away and it would be fine tbh)
1. i don’t see a problem with it being obvious it’s a good rule to have sorry friend
2. idk about the hand scars thing, but he’s a carpenter and i think what he meant was really to find another carpenter bc he likes people like him. like i said, it’s about MY FATHER not some made up dude so this is my best guess. also the blisters thing was a metaphor friend that’s bc i’m a poet the idea there isn’t “MUST BLISTER” it’s that people rub against each other and you shouldn’t marry someone who you can’t get used to. some shoes will never fit no matter how calloused your feet are. same is true of people.
3. have you ever considered maybe women might be afraid of how their husband acts while drunk since we’re raised knowing there’s a chance he’ll hurt us? also??? “get him mad” kind of implied watching him… tbh you’re taking this too literally it’s just supposed to be that people act out when they’re hurt or scared or stressed and how they act out can be !! really detrimental!! i tend to lash out at the people closest to me, so i as a person need someone who will keep coming back (thank god i found one). that’s just??? facts. dont marry someone if when they are not in good spirits, you don’t get along.
4. no i stand by this i don’t care friend. i wasn’t talking about just randomly feeling uneasy or having legit panic attacks. ladies know what i’m talking about. feeling unsafe comes in a lot of forms, from feeling sexual pressure to feeling like he’s a danger to you or your children. i hella believe in instincts. plus the idea here is if you’ve been dating someone for long enough marriage is on the table, they know your triggers. if he purposefully uses them against you, get out.
5. ah yes poetry comes with a cited source but since you’re curious it was a show i watched about a woman who fixed relationships by coming in and doing their finances and the opening had this statistic it was on the bbc
6. i don’t think i was talking about swatting your dog a little if he bites you and by the way? there are still better ways to tell your pet it has misbehaved (and swatting will not help do u even own a dog that just makes him scared or more aggressive also yeah just look up “does physical punishment work in the long term” and be like “fuck no it doesn’t”)
7. hey guess what you shouldn’t have to change to please somebody that’s a fact okay the most i have ever asked someone to change was to shave his beard and that was after 4 months bc i felt so bad (it made me itchy) literally i stand by this like yes there has to be communication like “don’t snap your gum when i’m reading” but people don’t really change and what i’m talking about is if you have to be someone you’re not, then he’s not marrying you, he’s just not.
you have basically turned my post about “find someone who keeps you safe and whole” into “THIS IS DISGUSTING AND SUBJECTIVE” yeah maybe the person who you are with should be subjectively good for you there’s no calculation this is just my dad’s advice okay
and before you hop on my dick about “how impossible is this” let’s boil down the 7 things: 1. makes you laugh 2. has a passion 3. acts in a way that you still feel comfortable with when he is upset 4. doesn’t threaten you 5. puts you before money 6. doesn’t hit dogs or kids 7. won’t ask you to change a major character trait oddly i don’t find this impossible i find this in basically every good man and woman and person i havemet
and while we’re on the fucking topic??? women are asked to be the housewife but the sexual toy but the mother and good at taxes and thin but not too thin and submissive but only to your husband and beautiful but not asking for it and she has to take care of herself but not be vain and she has to be wild fun crazy but also okay with staying indoors and she has to be good at everything but not better than you and she can’t be too in love or she’s insane but if she’s not interested she’s a frigid bitch on top of a million other things
don’t even talk to me about impossible, friend
i’m sorry this sounds so angry i’m just so pissed how dare you take a post which is literally my dad talking to me and make it about you how dare you insert your agenda into good advice because you think it didn’t give men enough wiggle room. i’m fucking sick of women being stuck into boxes on a million levels but the minute you tell a guy you have specifications, suddenly you’re a demon
Every time when I return from a trip and roll down the windows, I’d smell home. The fresh scent of trees, light sweet smell of flowers, and sometimes a little mix of horses. That’s the smell of my my home town :]
Hehe~ Talked with a friend on Skype today, & it was nice to get to know he is doing well and living fine since the last time we talked.
When I was younger, many older generation people, i.e. parents & aunts/uncles, would tell me that people and friends you met/make online will not become real friends. That they may seem nice and friendly, but you wouldn’t know what they really are. I agree. However, I believe that even though we’ve never met, our friendships still exists.
Though some people would say I’m too naive about believing in total strangers, but I want to say they’re not really total strangers. I have a group of friends I met through gaming. I’ve never met them, but I believe that if we do meet up, they’ll just be how they present themselves during these five years of knowing each other. Maybe they won’t be exactly like how I believed them to be, the sides they’ve shown online are a part of them.
I really like the group and all those friends I’ve made throughout my time online. It’s a world just like the real world, where I experience fun and sad times (just without real faces). I miss the people who I’ve lost touch with, sad about the ones who doesn’t see me as a friend as I see them, and am happy for those who are well and happy.
Friends, no matter what forms you come in or where you are now, I won’t forget you <3